please, help me to find out my mistake. Thank you!

[cherry flower]

IF YOU ARE......
Nếu Chúa là Mặt trơì, tôi mong làm Trái đất.
If God is The sun, i wish to be The earth
Nếu Chúa là Trái đất, tôi muốn làm Vầng trăng.
If God is The earth, i wish to be The moon.
Làm vầng Trăng xoay quanh Trái đất,
Being The moon goes round The earth,
Làm Trái đất xoay quanh Mặt trơì .
Being The earth turns around The sun

Nếu Chúa là mẹ hiền, tôi mong làm đứa bé.
If God is a good mother, i wish to be her child.
Nếu Chúa là suối mát, tôi muốn làm đàn nai.
If God is a fresh stream, i wish to be a flock of deer.
Làm đàn nai luôn mong suối mát,
Being the flock of deer are always expected the fresh spring,
Làm đứa bé luôn mong mẹ hiền.
Being the child is always wanted his/her good mother.

Nếu Chúa là ngọn triều, tôi mong làm chiếc bách.
If God is a tide of water, i wish to be a skiff.
Nếu Chúa là cánh gió, tôi muốn làm làn mây.
If God is wings of the wind, i wish to be the cloud
Làm làn mây xuôi theo cánh gió,
Being the clouds go rournd the world with the wind.
Làm chiếc bách trôi theo ngọn triều.
Being the skiff sails down the tide.

Nếu Chúa là buị hồng, tôi mong làm cánh bướm.
If God is the rose bush, i wish to be a butterfly.
Nếu Chúa là khóm cúc, tôi muốn làm đàn ong.
If God is a cluster of mums, i wish to be a flock of bees.
Làm đàn ong say hương khóm cúc,
Being the bees are crazy the aroma of mums,
Làm cánh bướm say hương bụi hồng.
Being the butterfly falls deeply in perfume of roses.

Chúa ơi ! Từng phút giây, hồn ngất ngây, lòng đắm say, con hướng về Chúa đây!
My God ! In every second of time, my soul is in ecstasy, my heart is crazy about You.
I'm thinking of You, now !

[Tricky42]

All personal pronouns must be upper case eg i becomes I, you becomes You.

All indefinite and definite articles must be lower case unless they start at the beginning of a sentence.

[english-learner]

IF YOU ARE......
Nếu Chúa là Mặt trơì, tôi mong làm Trái đất.
If God is The sun, i wish to be The earth
Nếu Chúa là Trái đất, tôi muốn làm Vầng trăng.
If God is The earth, i wish to be The moon.
Làm vầng Trăng xoay quanh Trái đất,
Being The moon goes round The earth,
Làm Trái đất xoay quanh Mặt trơì .
Being The earth turns around The sun

Nếu Chúa là mẹ hiền, tôi mong làm đứa bé.
If God is a good mother, i wish to be her child.
Nếu Chúa là suối mát, tôi muốn làm đàn nai.
If God is a fresh stream, i wish to be a flock of deer.
Làm đàn nai luôn mong suối mát,
Being the flock of deer are always expected the fresh spring,
Làm đứa bé luôn mong mẹ hiền.
Being the child is always wanted his/her good mother.

Nếu Chúa là ngọn triều, tôi mong làm chiếc bách.
If God is a tide of water, i wish to be a skiff.
Nếu Chúa là cánh gió, tôi muốn làm làn mây.
If God is wings of the wind, i wish to be the cloud
Làm làn mây xuôi theo cánh gió,
Being the clouds go rournd the world with the wind.
Làm chiếc bách trôi theo ngọn triều.
Being the skiff sails down the tide.

Nếu Chúa là buị hồng, tôi mong làm cánh bướm.
If God is the rose bush, i wish to be a butterfly.
Nếu Chúa là khóm cúc, tôi muốn làm đàn ong.
If God is a cluster of mums, i wish to be a flock of bees.
Làm đàn ong say hương khóm cúc,
Being the bees are crazy the aroma of mums,
Làm cánh bướm say hương bụi hồng.
Being the butterfly falls deeply in perfume of roses.

Chúa ơi ! Từng phút giây, hồn ngất ngây, lòng đắm say, con hướng về Chúa đây!
My God ! In every second of time, my soul is in ecstasy, my heart is crazy about You.
I'm thinking of You, now !

Dài quá không có thì giờ vì rất bận, chỉ góp ý câu đầu (mấy câu sau tương tự thôi)
Nếu Chúa là Mặt trời, tôi mong làm trái đất
=If God was the Sun, I wish I were the Earth

[TLT]

I think you should use swarm of bees instead of flock of bees.
I don't know whether we can say a flock of bees or not, but I think flock is group of sheep, goats, or birds; and swarm is used for a group of insects, esp. bees

[dewdrops]

Hope this helps

Antelope: A herd of antelope
Ant: A colony or An army of ants
Ape: A shrewdness of apes
Baboons: A troop of baboons
Bacteria: A culture of bacteria
Badger: A cete of badgers
Bass: A shoal of bass
Bear: A sleuth or sloth of bears
Beaver: A colony of beavers
Bee: A swarm, grist or hive of bees
Bird: A flock, flight, congregation or volery of birds
Boar: A sounder of boars
Buffalo: A herd of buffalo
Buck: A brace or clash of bucks
Caterpillar: An army of caterpillars
Cat: A clowder or clutter of cats
Cattle: A herd or drove of cattle
Chicken: A brood or peep of chickens
Chicks: A clutch or chattering of chicks
Clam: A bed of clams
Cobra: A quiver of cobras
Colt: A rag of colts
Cow: A kine of cows (twelve cows are A flink)
Coyote: A band of coyote
Crane: A sedge or siege of cranes
Crocodile: A float of crocodiles
Crow: A murder of crows
Cub: A litter of cubs
Curlew: A herd of curlews
Cur: A cowardice of curs
Deer: A herd of deer
Dog: A pack of dogs
Donkey: A herd or pace of asses
Dove: A dule of doves
Duck: A brace, paddling or team of ducks
Elephant: A herd of elephants
Seal: A pod of elephant seals
Elk: A gang of elks
Emus: A mob of emus
Ferret: A business or fesnyng of ferrets
Finches: A charm of finches
Fish: A school, shoal, run, haul, catch of fish
Fly: A swarm of flies
Fox: A skulk or leash of foxes
Frog: An army or colony of frogs
Geese: A flock, gaggle or skein (in flight) of geese
Gnat: A cloud or horde of gnats
Goat: A herd, tribe or trip goats
Goldfince: A charm of goldfinches
Gorilla: A band of gorillas
Greyhound: A leash of greyhounds
Hare: A down or husk of hares
Hawk: A cast or kettle of hawks
Hen: A brood of hens
Heron: A hedge of herons
Hog: A drift, or parcel of hogs
Horse: A team, pair or harras of horses
Hound: A pack, mute or cry of hounds
Jellyfish: A smack of jellyfish
Kangaroo: A troop or mob of kangaroos
Kitten: A kindle or litter of kittens
Lark: An ascension or exaultation of larks
Leopard: A leap (leep) of leopards
Lion: A pride of lions
Locust: A plague of locusts
Magpie: A tiding of magpies
Mallard: A sord of mallards
Mare: A stud of mares
Marten: A richness of martens
Mole: A labour of moles
Monkey: A troop of monkeys
Mule: A barren or span of mules
Owls: A parliament of owls
Oxen: A yoke, drove, team or herd of oxen
Oyster: A bed of oysters
Parrot: A company of parrots
Partridge: A covey of partridges
Peacock: A muster or ostentation of peacocks
Peep: A litter of peeps
Penguin: A colony of penguins
Pheasant: A nest, nide (nye) or bouquet of pheasants
Pigeon: A flock or flight of pigeons
Pig: A litter of pigs
Plover: A wing or congregation of plovers
Pony: A string of ponies
Porpoise: A pod of porpoises
Quail: A covey or bevy of quail
Rabbit: A nest of rabbits
Rat: A pack or swarm of rats
Rattlesnake: A rhumba of rattlesnakes
Raven: An unkindness of ravens
Rhino: A crash or herd of rhinos
Roebuck: A bevy of roebucks
Rook: A building or clamour of rooks
Seal: A herd or pod of seals
Sheep: A drove or flock of sheep
Snake: A nest of snakes
Snipe: A walk or wisp of snipe
Sparrow: A host of sparrows
Squirrel: A dray of squirrels
Starling: A murmuration of starlings
Stork: A mustering of storks
Swallow: A flight of swallows
Swan: A bevy, herd, lamentation or wedge of swans
Swift: A flock of swifts
Swine: A sounder or drift of swine
Teal: A spring of teal
Toad: A knot of toads
Trout: A hover of trout
Turkey: A rafter of turkeys
Turtledove: A pitying or dule of turtledoves
Turtle: A bale of turtles
Walrus: A pod of walrus
Whale: A school, gam or pod of whales
Viper: A nest of vipers
Wolf: A pack or route of wolves
Woodcock: A fall of woodcocks
Woodpecker: A descent of woodpeckers

[dewdrops]

cúc = Chrysanthemum

Làm Trái đất xoay quanh Mặt trơì .
Being The earth turns around The sun

To be the earth orbiting around the sun

not being...

Làm đàn ong say hương khóm cúc,
Being the bees are crazy the aroma of mums,

To be the bees drunken by the scent of mums

aroma=cooking scent =flowers

Làm đứa bé luôn mong mẹ hiền.
Being the child is always wanted his/her good mother.

To be the child hoping for a kind/benevolent mother

[LtDra]

cúc = Chrysanthemum

Làm Trái đất xoay quanh Mặt trơì .
Being The earth turns around The sun

To be the earth orbiting around the sun

not being...

Làm đàn ong say hương khóm cúc,
Being the bees are crazy the aroma of mums,

To be the bees drunken by the scent of mums

aroma=cooking scent =flowers

Làm đứa bé luôn mong mẹ hiền.
Being the child is always wanted his/her good mother.

To be the child hoping for a kind/benevolent mother

These make much more sense to me.

[dewdrops]

IF YOU ARE......
Nếu Chúa là Mặt trơì, tôi mong làm Trái đất.
If God is The sun, i wish to be The earth
Nếu Chúa là Trái đất, tôi muốn làm Vầng trăng.
If God is The earth, i wish to be The moon.
Làm vầng Trăng xoay quanh Trái đất,
Being The moon goes round The earth,
To be the moon orbiting around the earth
Làm Trái đất xoay quanh Mặt trơì .
Being The earth turns around The sun
To be the earth orbiting around the sun

Nếu Chúa là mẹ hiền, tôi mong làm đứa bé.
If God is a good mother, i wish to be her child.
If God is a kind mother I wish to be her child
Nếu Chúa là suối mát, tôi muốn làm đàn nai.
If God is a fresh stream, i wish to be a flock of deer.
If God is a fresh stream, I wish to be a herd of deer
Làm đàn nai luôn mong suối mát,
Being the flock of deer are always expected the fresh spring,
To be a herd of deer hoping for a fresh stream
Làm đứa bé luôn mong mẹ hiền.
Being the child is always wanted his/her good mother.
To be a child hoping for a kind/benevolent mother
Nếu Chúa là ngọn triều, tôi mong làm chiếc bách.
If God is a tide of water, i wish to be a skiff.
Nếu Chúa là cánh gió, tôi muốn làm làn mây.
If God is wings of the wind, i wish to be the cloud
If God is the wings of wind, I wish to be the clouds
Làm làn mây xuôi theo cánh gió,
Being the clouds go rournd the world with the wind.
To be the clouds drifting with the wings of wind
Làm chiếc bách trôi theo ngọn triều.
Being the skiff sails down the tide.
To be the skiff sailing with the tide

Nếu Chúa là buị hồng, tôi mong làm cánh bướm.
If God is the rose bush, i wish to be a butterfly.
If God is a rose bush, I wish to be a butterfly
Nếu Chúa là khóm cúc, tôi muốn làm đàn ong.
If God is a cluster of mums, i wish to be a flock of bees.
If God is a cluster of Chrysanthemum , I wish to be a swarm of bees
Làm đàn ong say hương khóm cúc,
Being the bees are crazy the aroma of mums,
To be a swarm of bees drunken by the scent of Chrysanthemum
Làm cánh bướm say hương bụi hồng.
Being the butterfly falls deeply in perfume of roses.
To be the wings of a butterfly drunken by the perfume of roses

Chúa ơi ! Từng phút giây, hồn ngất ngây, lòng đắm say, con hướng về Chúa đây!
My God ! In every second of time, my soul is in ecstasy, my heart is crazy about You.I'm thinking of You, now !
Dear God ! Every second, my soul is mesmerised, my heart is devoted....You are always in my thoughts
NB. My god =swearing =chửi ..