Vietnamese Engagement Customs

[kirkwoodgreg]

Hello to Anyone Willing to Help Me

At the present time I am an American and I am getting married to a traditonal
Vietnamese girl in Ho Chi Minh City..........and I need help in learning all the intricate details of Vietnamese Engagement Customs..........

So far I have done quite well and have learned a lot in the 2 years but I am coming up to obstacles in learning the procedures of getting engaged and married.........

I have a few Vietnamese friends in HCMC but they give me different advice
as to what the customs are since they seemed to be changing and their
interpretation of the customs is varied by their apparent age. In the past
I have attended many wedding ceremonies but never an engagement ceremony.....are they similar and how are they different.

So I would like to know the answer to the following questions......

1. Does the groom pay for everything involved in the reception dinner
at a restaurant following the engagement ceremony at the fiancee's house.

2. Does the groom get to choose what is served at the reception dinner as
far as they different Vietnamese dishes are concerned or is this decision made entirely by the bride and her family.

3. Does the groom get to voice his opinion about the material chosen for the Ao Dai's to be worn by each person at the ceremonies.

4. Does the groom pay for the other things and the food served at the bride's home during the ceremony before the reception dinner at the restaurant.

5. Does the bride or her family pay for anything involved in the ceremony
or the reception dinner.

6. What is an appropriate gift to give the brides parent's at the engagement ceremony.

7. Does the bride give a present to the grooms' parents.

8. What are the betrothal gifts to include in the laquer boxes.

9. Does the groom give money (tien dong) to the brides' parents and what is the appropriate amount to be given. Does this amount equal the amount of the cost of the food served at the restaurant for the reception dinner and the costs of the engagement ceremony at the brides' house.

10. Does the brides' family return this money to the couple to pay for the reception dinner at the restaurant........if so what about the costs of the engagement ceremony at their house.

11. Does groom or the bride pay for the brides' Ao dai.

12. What kind of gifts do you give the attendants in the procession and who
pays for it. Does the groom give and pay for the gifts to his male attendants
and does the bride give and pay for the gifts to her female attendants.

13. Besides a diamond engagement ring for the bride at the ceremony does the groom give other jewelry to the bride besides her ear rings. If yes, what other kind of jewelry is given to the bride.

14. Does the bride give the groom a ring at the engagement ceremony.

15. Please add any other advice that I have failed to inquire about or feel free to send me an email directly

Cam On

Greg

[duyphd]

I hope this can help http://www.vietnam-culture.com/artic...-Ceremony.aspx

[kirkwoodgreg]

The Vietnam Internet Culture Website is good but not very specific about all the detailed customs..........I need more help...........Cam On

[duyphd]

Q1. Does the groom pay for everything involved in the reception dinner
at a restaurant following the engagement ceremony at the fiancée’s house.
A. It depends on your decision ;-) normally you only need to bring gifts to the bride's house. the gift normally 5, 7 or 9 trays includes betel and areca, wine, candy, cake...
Q2.Does the groom get to choose what is served at the reception dinner as
far as they different Vietnamese dishes are concerned or is this decision made entirely by the bride and her family.
A. In Vietnam, the bride family decides what to serve in engagement ceremony. But if you pay and invited your friends to the party so why not both you and your wife decide together?
Q3.Does the groom get to voice his opinion about the material chosen for the Ao Dai's to be worn by each person at the ceremonies.
A. It depends on you.
Q4. Does the groom pay for the other things and the food served at the bride's home during the ceremony before the reception dinner at the restaurant.
Q5. Does the bride or her family pay for anything involved in the ceremony
or the reception dinner.
A. Normally the bride family pays for all things which served at the bride's home

Q6.What is an appropriate gift to give the brides parent's at the engagement ceremony.
A. I’m Vietnamese and I haven't heard about gift for brides parent's at the engagement ceremony.
Q7.Does the bride give a present to the grooms' parents.
A. No, she doesn't.
Q8.Does the brides' family return this money to the couple to pay for the reception dinner at the restaurant........if so what about the costs of the engagement ceremony at their house.
A. No because normally they pay. If you pay it means you really pay and there is no return.
Q9.Does the groom give money (tien dong) to the brides' parents and what is the appropriate amount to be given. Does this amount equal the amount of the cost of the food served at the restaurant for the reception dinner and the costs of the engagement ceremony at the brides' house.
A. Yes, but this amount of money only is a symbol. I see my friends normally give from 2 to 5 millions VND. Other rich family can give 10 million VND up to unlimited. Be sure that this amount of money MAY BE returned to the bride after the wedding.

Q11. Does groom or the bride pay for the brides' Ao dai.
Not, he doesn’t. And if you like you can pay.

Q12. What kind of gifts do you give the attendants in the procession and who
pays for it. Does the groom give and pay for the gifts to his male attendants
and does the bride give and pay for the gifts to her female attendants.
A. I haven’t heard about gift for attendant in Vietnamese engagement ceremony.
Q14.Does the bride give the groom a ring at the engagement ceremony.
Yes, but you should prepare for both because it belongs to both of you.

[SogniSaigon]

Hi,

I don't have anything to add to this thread that may help you other than to wish you the best of luck.

I will keep on eye on this thread for it's entirely possible that I too will one day need to know such details. I have been with my Vietnamese partner for over one year and *wedding bells* are a distinct possibility.

If you ever feel like talking about this (or anything else VNese), drop me a line...

Again, best of luck to you both.