Poetry In Translation

[dethuong_x0x]

This is very nice! Your Englis has improved substantially. There is hope for high school education

"Chạy trốn" trong câu "Dục đàn sao trên trời chạy trốn" có thể dịch là "to flee". "To hide" nghĩa chung là "trốn", không hẳn là "chạy trốn".

Hì Hì! Thank you bác! I still have to struggle hard with my speaking skill, especially my pronunciation. By the way, I am no longer a high school student; I am a college sophomore.

[Tanyenbai]

dục dã hay giục giã ấy nhể???

[sang56]

By Hàn Mặc Tử

Sao anh không về chơi Thôn Vỹ (Why haven’t you returned to see the hamlet Vy?)
Nhìn nắng hàng cau, nắng mới lên. (To watch the sun on the areca grove, the morning sun.)
Vườn ai mướt quá, xanh như ngọc (Whose lawn is so lush, green as emerald?)
Lá trúc che ngang mặt chữ điền. (Bamboo leaves partially cover a manly face.)

Gió theo lối gió, mây đường mây (Wind follows wind’s path; cloud, cloud’s way.)
Giòng nước buồn thiu, hoa bắp lay. (Water stream saddens, corn flowers sway.)
Thuyền ai đậu bến sông trăng đó (Whose boat is moored to the moon river shore?)
Có chở trăng về kịp tối nay (Can you freight the moon home in time tonight?)

Mơ khách đường xa, khách đường xa (Dream the distant wayfarer, the distant wayfarer.)
Áo em trắng quá nhìn không ra (Your dress so white, I couldn’t recognize.)
Ở đây sương khói mờ nhân ảnh (The misty smoke here blurs the human image.)
Ai biết tình ai có đậm đà. (Who knows how ardent your love can be?)

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[kabonm]

This is the newly Seattle ****** facelifted Volvo C70 is a modern convertible with Seattle ******s classic proportions, four comfortable seats and a three-piece retractable hardtop. The C70 can Seattle Asian ****** be transformed from a coupe Seattle Asian ******s into a convertible with the touch of a button as the retractable hardtop folds away into the trunk....

The Volvo C70 is propelled by its standard turbocharged 5-cylinder, T5 engine. Output for the 2.5-liter light-pressure turbo powerplant is 227 horsepower at 5,000 rpm with torque at 236 lb.-ft. from 1,500 to 4,800 rpm

[dewdrops]

On a crimson pane. (trên bảng đỏ thẫm.)

trên kiếng đỏ thẫm

pane=window pane..

dục dã hay giục giã ấy nhể???

giục giã

[dewdrops]

Đây Thôn Vỹ Dạ (The Hamlet of Vy Da)

By Hàn Mặc Tử

Sao anh không về chơi Thôn Vỹ (Why haven't you return to the hamlet Vy?)

Nhìn nắng hàng cau, nắng mới lên. (To watch the sun on the areca grove, the rising sun.)
Vườn ai mướt quá, xanh như ngọc (Whose garden is so lush, green as emerald?)
Lá trúc che ngang mặt chữ điền. (Bamboo leaves shading/camouflaging a rugged face.)

Gió theo lối gió, mây đường mây (Wind follows wind’s path; cloud, cloud’s way.)
Giòng nước buồn thiu, hoa bắp lay. (A stream sorrowfully flow, corn flowers sway.)
Thuyền ai đậu bến sông trăng đó (Whose boat is moored to the moon river shore?)
Có chở trăng về kịp tối nay (Can you carry/deliver the moon home in time tonight?)

Mơ khách đường xa, khách đường xa (Dreaming of the distant traveller, the distant traveller)
Áo em trắng quá nhìn không ra (Your dress is so white/bright, hard to/could not recognize.)
Ở đây sương khói mờ nhân ảnh (The fog here blurs your image/silhouette)
Ai biết tình ai có đậm đà. (Who knows how deep is your love? )

NB..have changed words ..thus not a direct word by word translation..ie..rugged face= manly face shading/camouflaging=che ngang

[sang56]

Đây Thôn Vỹ Dạ (The Hamlet of Vy Da)

By Hàn Mặc Tử

Sao anh không về chơi Thôn Vỹ (Why haven't you returned to the hamlet Vy?)

Nhìn nắng hàng cau, nắng mới lên. (To watch the sun on the areca grove, the rising sun.)
Vườn ai mướt quá, xanh như ngọc (Whose garden is so lush, green as emerald?)
Lá trúc che ngang mặt chữ điền. (Bamboo leaves shading/camouflaging a rugged face.)

Gió theo lối gió, mây đường mây (Wind follows wind’s path; cloud, cloud’s way.)
Giòng nước buồn thiu, hoa bắp lay. (A stream sorrowfully flows, corn flowers sway.)
Thuyền ai đậu bến sông trăng đó (Whose boat is moored to the moon river shore?)
Có chở trăng về kịp tối nay (Can you carry/deliver the moon home in time tonight?)

Mơ khách đường xa, khách đường xa (Dreaming of the distant traveller, the distant traveller)
Áo em trắng quá nhìn không ra (Your dress is so white/bright, hard to/could not recognize.)
Ở đây sương khói mờ nhân ảnh (The fog here blurs your image/silhouette)
Ai biết tình ai có đậm đà. (Who knows how deep is your love? )

NB..have changed words ..thus not a direct word by word translation..ie..rugged face= manly face shading/camouflaging=che ngang

Thanks for your many good suggested changes. Obviously there are many ways to translate a poem; in many cases it’s just a matter of style and preference. I just wanted to point out a few minor grammatical errors (highlighted red) in your changed version above, and some clarifying interpretations below.

Có chở trăng về kịp tối nay (Can you carry/deliver the moon home in time tonight?)
“carry/deliver” does not fully convey the meaning of “chở”, which in Vietnamese often means transporting something big and heavy, typically with a vehicle (car, bicycle, boat, etc.) This word was used deliberately by the poem author, I believe, since the moon is supposedly big and heavy and the boat is the obvious vehicle. One can “carry” something without a vehicle (by hand, for example), and something can be “delivered” by hand or with a vehicle but that something does not have to be big and heavy (example: A letter was delivered to my house today). Those were the reasons I used the word “freight” for “chở”.

Ở đây sương khói mờ nhân ảnh (The fog here blurs your image/silhouette)
“Fog” is the word for “sương”. What about “khói”? I don’t know of a word in English that is an accurate translation for “sương khói” except for “fog and smoke”, which does not sound poetic! English has a good word “smog” that includes both “sương” and “khói”, since it is a shortened word from combining “smoke” and “fog”, I think. However, “smog” is typically used to indicate air pollution, which is unlikely in rural Viet Nam during that time. So “fog” is an acceptable translation for “sương khói” but does not bring up the characteristic image of smokes rising from hamlets when people are cooking.

Ai biết tình ai có đậm đà. (Who knows how deep is your love? )
Should be: Who knows how deep your love is?

[dewdrops]

Thank you for your clarifications and corrections. Grammar was never my forte I used to hate English when I was younger now that I am older I find I love to write.

“Fog” is the word for “sương”. What about “khói”? I don’t know of a word in English that is an accurate translation for “sương khói” except for “fog and smoke”

I too thought like you thus in the end compromised and used only fog..now that you have illustrated the scenes for me why not also illustrate it in your translations? I cannot think of another word for smoke but we can always use word associations?

we all associate smoke with fires, chimneys, wooden stoves, camp fires..etc..why not do it in reverse?

The fog, the chimneys/wooden stoves here blurs your image/silhouette

One can “carry” something without a vehicle (by hand, for example), and something can be “delivered” by hand or with a vehicle but that something does not have to be big and heavy (example: A letter was delivered to my house today). Those were the reasons I used the word “freight” for “chở”.

As for me I have always thought of the moon as "light" as in vầng trăng lơ lửng if it was heavy it wouldn't hang in the sky..thus that was my reason for carry/deliver..

[sang56]

Thank you for your clarifications and corrections. Grammar was never my forte I used to hate English when I was younger now that I am older I find I love to write.

“Fog” is the word for “sương”. What about “khói”? I don’t know of a word in English that is an accurate translation for “sương khói” except for “fog and smoke”

I too thought like you thus in the end compromised and used only fog..now that you have illustrated the scenes for me why not also illustrate it in your translations? I cannot think of another word for smoke but we can always use word associations?

we all associate smoke with fires, chimneys, wooden stoves, camp fires..etc..why not do it in reverse?

The fog, the chimneys/wooden stoves here blurs your image/silhouette

One can “carry” something without a vehicle (by hand, for example), and something can be “delivered” by hand or with a vehicle but that something does not have to be big and heavy (example: A letter was delivered to my house today). Those were the reasons I used the word “freight” for “chở”.

As for me I have always thought of the moon as "light" as in vầng trăng lơ lửng if it was heavy it wouldn't hang in the sky..thus that was my reason for carry/deliver..

Very good discussion. Also another point:

Giòng nước buồn thiu, hoa bắp lay. (A stream sorrowfully flows, corn flowers sway.)
This is a good translation but lacks parallelism. Probably better is:
“A stream sorrowfully flows, corn flowers gently sway”

Regarding your translation of the last line (Who knows how deep your love is?), I borrowed a word for the following translation

“Your youthful hair, some strands long, some short.
Our deep love, failing to consummate, is for millennium.”

[dewdrops]

Our deep love, failing to consummate, is for millennium.”

this bit does not sound romantic at all...hehehe consumate= sex? thus eventhough one is married does not necessarily mean that one would consumate that marriage/relationship?

I tend to think that it doesn't matter if consumated or not..the love here is pure love..like one of Thúy Kiều and Kim Trọng

Lấy nhau chẳng đặng thương hoài nghìn năm ..
here implies that their love was doomed...they could not be together with each other..in marriage..

Short strands, long strands..A star crossed/doomed love..A thousand years of longings..