Need Help Understanding Vietnamese Customs

[kirkwoodgreg]

Need Help Undertanding Vietnamese Customs..because I am an American

At the present time I am legally married (we have a registered Vietnamese Marriage Certificate in Vietnam) to a girl in Vietnam and I am going visit my wife for the third time in Vietnam........

but my wife said her father said I am not welcome to live with my wife at their house because she lives with them but her father said its OK for her sister Chau to have her fiancee live with her at another sister's house....her fiancee is an American-Vietnamese........

Is this a Double Standard and is her father biased.........

Before we got engaged or married her parents gave their permission to us for both the engagement and marriage

However

When I asked my wife why her father allows her sister's fiancee to live with her but we can not she said her father said he is not biased but only concerned about what the neighbors will say......

Here are the facts

Both my wife and her sister Chau had the Le Dinh Hon Ceremony at her parent's house but my wife and I went one step further and actually got married under Vietnamese Law.....but for some reason when Chau's had her Le Dinh Hon apparently her fiancee made some deal with her father at the last minute and said it was a combination Engagement / Wedding Ceremony
and they were never married under Vietnamese Law (No Certificate)

When this happened everyone else in the family got upset because they were
not informed of the last minute deal and were very surprised when they saw
the fiancee put the wedding ring on her finger............at my ceremony they
were very happy because they said I followed the proper procedure

So why is Chau allowed to live with her fiancee but I am not allowed to live with my wife...........why should the father be concerned about the neighbors

I have met many of the neighbors and they always nice to me when I talk to them

[vannessa]

Need Help Undertanding Vietnamese Customs..because I am an American

At the present time I am legally married (we have a registered Vietnamese Marriage Certificate in Vietnam) to a girl in Vietnam and I am going visit my wife for the third time in Vietnam........

but my wife said her father said I am not welcome to live with my wife at their house because she lives with them but her father said its OK for her sister Chau to have her fiancee live with her at another sister's house....her fiancee is an American-Vietnamese........

Is this a Double Standard and is her father biased.........

Before we got engaged or married her parents gave their permission to us for both the engagement and marriage

However

When I asked my wife why her father allows her sister's fiancee to live with her but we can not she said her father said he is not biased but only concerned about what the neighbors will say......

Here are the facts

Both my wife and her sister Chau had the Le Dinh Hon Ceremony at her parent's house but my wife and I went one step further and actually got married under Vietnamese Law.....but for some reason when Chau's had her Le Dinh Hon apparently her fiancee made some deal with her father at the last minute and said it was a combination Engagement / Wedding Ceremony
and they were never married under Vietnamese Law (No Certificate)

When this happened everyone else in the family got upset because they were
not informed of the last minute deal and were very surprised when they saw
the fiancee put the wedding ring on her finger............at my ceremony they
were very happy because they said I followed the proper procedure

So why is Chau allowed to live with her fiancee but I am not allowed to live with my wife...........why should the father be concerned about the neighbors

I have met many of the neighbors and they always nice to me when I talk to them

Hi;
Her father is being biased against you; as you know in any culture, once you are "married" which means the other person is your "wife". There is no such things as neighbor's rumor! If they worried about the neighbors, then, why did the other couple were allowed to live in the house? I don't know what the motive is for the father to react that way. You must becareful and best of luck!!!

[hdungbeat]

In fact, you are a married couple and have a marriage Certificate, so according to Vietnamese law and custom you both can live in one house as husband and wife. I guess there are some dedicate reasons thus your father in law said that you are not welcome to live together in his house. As you said another couple(your wife 's sisster and her fiancee) was allowed to live in another sister's house, not your father-in-law's house. Hence you can do like that, find another house and live with your wife. Good luck to you!

[english-learner]

Need Help Undertanding Vietnamese Customs..because I am an American

At the present time I am legally married (we have a registered Vietnamese Marriage Certificate in Vietnam) to a girl in Vietnam and I am going visit my wife for the third time in Vietnam........

but my wife said her father said I am not welcome to live with my wife at their house because she lives with them but her father said its OK for her sister Chau to have her fiancee live with her at another sister's house....her fiancee is an American-Vietnamese........

Is this a Double Standard and is her father biased.........

Before we got engaged or married her parents gave their permission to us for both the engagement and marriage

However

When I asked my wife why her father allows her sister's fiancee to live with her but we can not she said her father said he is not biased but only concerned about what the neighbors will say......

Here are the facts

Both my wife and her sister Chau had the Le Dinh Hon Ceremony at her parent's house but my wife and I went one step further and actually got married under Vietnamese Law.....but for some reason when Chau's had her Le Dinh Hon apparently her fiancee made some deal with her father at the last minute and said it was a combination Engagement / Wedding Ceremony
and they were never married under Vietnamese Law (No Certificate)

When this happened everyone else in the family got upset because they were
not informed of the last minute deal and were very surprised when they saw
the fiancee put the wedding ring on her finger............at my ceremony they
were very happy because they said I followed the proper procedure

So why is Chau allowed to live with her fiancee but I am not allowed to live with my wife...........why should the father be concerned about the neighbors

I have met many of the neighbors and they always nice to me when I talk to them

I think that your matter is to face a family which is tend to "keep up with the Jones" and love to have a rich son-in-law. You should prove that you can buy a house,for example.
They want their neigbours knows that they have a rich son-in-law who can buy a house and convenient materials for their daughter. They can be materialists.
In my opinion, your wife's sister might be pregnant before wedding So the parents were extremely happy when they saw the wedding ring finally put on her daughter
In VN the combination of Le Dinh Hon and Vu quy only happens when or both families are too poor or the bride has pregnancy before getting marriage.