cross culture relationship

[wblostatsea13]

All of the responses about dos and don'ts (acceptable and unacceptable behavour) have been very interesting. Could someone speak to the cultural dos and don'ts for older adults...say people in their mid to late 20s - 50s? What about the dos and don't for adults who have been married already and widowed or divorced. Do the same rules apply?

[dewdrops]

All of the responses about dos and don'ts (acceptable and unacceptable behavour) have been very interesting. Could someone speak to the cultural dos and don'ts for older adults...say people in their mid to late 20s - 50s? What about the dos and don't for adults who have been married already and widowed or divorced. Do the same rules apply?

I know this is ancient..but I guess many still live by it..

Tại gia tòng phụ
Xuất gia tòng phu
Phu tử tòng tử

The three means when you are at home you listen to your dad, then when you are married you listen to your man...husband ..and when your husband die you listen to your son...

Even now society still expects widower, divorcee to live for their children. It is more relaxed overseas...(Vietnamese living overseas) ie not expected but more so the children do not want their mums to marry again...selfish part..it is also the mums part do not want to be a laughing stock..in all society still highly commend the "sacrifice" ..

the other bit is the sad bit ...Vietnamese men are very "gia trưởng " =controlling, chauvenistic ... thus they would never go for single mums...equates secondhand goods...equates themselves as losers.. thus widowers and divorcees are good for a play but never to marry...

to marry a Caucasian ..they get shunted by the society..ie cross marriages are looked down upon ..

"Ta về ta tắm ao ta dù trong dù đục ao nhà vẫn hơn "...

the saying means it doesn't matter how clear or murky/dirty our own dam is ..our dam is still better for bathing ...

from what I can see...it is a lose lose situation ..they may remain unmarried due to these restrictions rather than society itself enforcing the above..

NB... I am not saying all Vietnamese men are like this ..but most are...sorry guys...the truth hurts..

[Tanyenbai]

Do be polite to the elders eventhough you despise them..hehehe. Even though you are not a naturally polite person, people still recognize a pretender.
Do eat whatever food is served up..atleast have a taste. You can always say no to DOG meat or snake.
Do have their daughters home by 10-11pm..never after midnight. In stead you can keep her all night through.
Do go and find the parents to say good bye when it is time to go. Of course you can shout out aloud when they are in the latrine.
Do remember that education is important and that the parents won't be too happy if you disrupt their kids' chance of success. Remember to promise to send her or him to Australia, Geelong.

Don't stay in the house with the girl if she is the only person in the house. But you can kiss as much as you can. Stolen kisses are always sweet.

[wblostatsea13]

How about the scenario where a couple has no children and the wife does not have living family? I met a woman in her early 30s in this situation. Wouldn't there be happiness for her if she found a new mate and started a family? Aren't there men in similar circumstances?

[dewdrops]

How about the scenario where a couple has no children and the wife does not have living family? I met a woman in her early 30s in this situation. Wouldn't there be happiness for her if she found a new mate and started a family? Aren't there men in similar circumstances?

wblostatsea13...I don't see any problem .. mostly to do with children..family more important than personal happiness..more so when she gets married she ceases to be herself and more a wife or mum...

in VN culture we take on our husband's name...ie Mr Kha Nguyen (ông Kha) his wife will be known as bà Kha ..her name is only known to those close to her..other than that society know her as bà Kha..

Men are different..as men in VN culture have always had women around them..the Emperors and their many concubines..the men and their two wives..bigamy...thus divorced or widowed they do marry again...

you have got to remember in VN men are like kings.. and are treated as such..they are spoilt rotten..in sayings such as

“Nhất nam viết hữu, thập nữ viết vô”

1 male =write yes... 10 females= write none..

Males are important in VN culture as in the olden days only the males worked..bread winner..financially wives are dependent on their husbands...then when their husbands dịe they depend on their sons..not like in the West where there is the dole...nursing homes...or pensions..no such thing in VN ..

[waguz]

These posts are very interesting.

You were talking about man as bread winner, its seem to me obvious, however, why a woman could not work if she likes? i maen before having children. It let me impression that If wonam never work and rely only to man, she will always seek for rich man. So if a girl is used to spend lot of money because her perents are rich she won´t date or marry a guy who cannot offer her such luxury. How will her perents look at guy who cannot offer her dauther such comfort?

[dewdrops]

These posts are very interesting.

You were talking about man as bread winner, its seem to me obvious, however, why a woman could not work if she likes? i maen before having children. It let me impression that If wonam never work and rely only to man, she will always seek for rich man. So if a girl is used to spend lot of money because her perents are rich she won´t date or marry a guy who cannot offer her such luxury. How will her perents look at guy who cannot offer her dauther such comfort?

nowadays the women work as well...though men are still thought of as the main breadwinner ...

from my own experience...everyone wants the best for their kids regardless of what race....

parents are more likely to look at guys that are well to do...or have ability/education to further themselves ..