Here are just some funny quotes to help relax your mind.
And share with us if you have any good ones.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
Unknown

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Sir Norman Wisdom

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
Quentin Crisp

To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
Janet Coleman
(This one is not that funny but I think it's true)

All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henry Youngman

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
Steve Martin