Cuoi ti nao!!!

[unnamed]

We take you now to the Oval Office.

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That’s what I want to know.
Condi: That’s what I’am telling you.
George: That’s what I’am asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.George: I mean the fellow’s name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The China man!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I’am telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I’am asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That’s the man’s name.
George: That’s whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That’s correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don’t want Kofi.
George: No. I don’t want coffee. Now that you mentioned it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

Notes :
Dr. Condoleezza Rice : National Security Advisor of USA
Yassir Arafat: late President of Palestine died Nov 2004
Kofi Atta Annan : former Secretary-General of the United Nations (1997-2006)
Hu Jintao :is currently holding the _title_s of President of the People's Republic of China, Chairman of the Central Military Commission and General Secretary of the Communist Party of China since 2003, succeeding Jiang Zemin in the fourth generation leadership of the People's Republic of China.

[unnamed]

- NAMING RIGHTS -

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,track expenses and run my business? What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal? What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers? What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: one copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
????????

(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START".............

[unnamed]

Happiness !

When French President de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British Ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor.
At the dinner table the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.

- Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years !! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years Madame ?

- [i]A penis !! replied Madame deGaulle.

A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... And no one knew what to say next.

Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said : "Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word ...[i]appiness !! "
(Nguoi Phap ko phat am duoc chu "h" )

[unnamed]

Chinese names .. and what else ?

Caller: Hello, can I speak to [i]Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to [i]anyone. You can speak to me. Who are you ?
Caller: I'm [i]Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are[i] someone and you want to talk to anyone ! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother [i]Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..
Caller: Oh .....God

[unnamed]

Interview with an Arab

I heard on the radio, an Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy.

Consulate Officer : What is your name?
Arab : Abdul Aziz
Consulate Officer : Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consulate Officer : I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels
Consulate Officer : Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too
Consulate Officer : Man,......... isn' t it hostile?
Arab :Horse _style_, dog _style_, any _style_
Consulate Officer : Oh..........dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast.
Doc chuyen nay khi dang o office, khong the nhin dc cuoi. Haha

[unnamed]

Van Gogh
After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His dizzy aunt, Verti Gogh.
The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh.
The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop n' Gogh.
The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U Gogh.
The brother who bleached his clothes white, Hue Gogh.
The cousin from Illinois, Chica Gogh.
His Mexican cousin, Amee Gogh.
The Mexican cousin's American half brother, Grin Gogh.
The nephew who drove a stage coach, Wellsfar Gogh.
The constipated uncle, Cant Gogh.
The ballroom dancing aunt, Tan Gogh.
The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh.
His nephew psychoanalyst, E Gogh.
The fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh.
An aunt who taught positive thinking, Wayto Gogh.
The little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh.
A sister who loved disco, Go Gogh.

[LtDra]

- NAMING RIGHTS -

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy o�ne.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. o�n the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,track expenses and run my business? What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal? What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The o�nly word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers? What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: o�ne copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
????????

(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click o�n "START".............

Ha... Ha ... Dumb and Dumber... khặc ... khặc ...

[dethuong_x0x]

Hix !!! sau bài post của bác LtDra mới biết English của mình tồi đến mức nào . Người ta đọc xong cười , mình đọc xong cái mặt còn cứng hơn xịt keo . Chả cười gì cả

[LtDra]

Hix !!! sau bài post của bác LtDra mới biết English của mình tồi đến mức nào . Người ta đọc xong cười , mình đọc xong cái mặt còn cứng hơn xịt keo . Chả cười gì cả

Để tới dịch sơ sơ cho bạn cười chơi

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
(Tiệm máy vi tính Super Duper đây. Tôi có thể giúp bạn không?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
(cám ơn hén. Tôi đang xếp đặt 1 cái văn thư phòng trong nhà tôi và tôi đang suy nghĩ về việc mua một cái vi tính.)
ABBOTT: Mac?
(có phải là Mac không?)
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
(Không phải, tên là Lou.)
ABBOTT: Your computer?
(máy VT của bạn tên đó hả?)
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy o�ne.
(tôi đâu có cái máy VT nào. Tôi muốn mua 1 cái mà.
ABBOTT: Mac?
(Mac phải không?)
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
(Tôi nói với ông rồi, tên tôi là Lou)
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
(Còn "cửa xổ" là gì)
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
(Tại sao? bộ trong này sẽ có mùi mốc sao?)
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
(Ông có muốn 1 cái máy VT cùng với "của xổ" không?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
(Tôi đâu biết đâu. Tôi sẽ thấy gì khi nhìn vô "cửa xổ"?)
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
(Dấy dán tường)
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
(Thôi bỏ chuyện cửa xổ đi. Tôi cần 1 máy VT và phần mêm.)
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
(phần mềm cho cửa sổ hả?)
COSTELLO: No. o�n the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,track expenses and run my business? What do you have?
(Không phải. Cho máy VT đó! Tôi cần cái gì đó mà tôi có thể dùng để viết những kế hoạch, theo dổi chi tiêu và cho công việc của tôi? Ông có cái gì?)
ABBOTT: Office.
(văn phòng)
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
(đúng đó, cho văn phòng của tôi. Ông có đề nghị gì không?)
ABBOTT: I just did.
(tôi vừa làm đó)
COSTELLO: You just did what?
(Ông vừa làm gì chớ?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
(Đề nghị vài thứ)
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
(Ông đã đề nghị vài thứ hả?)
ABBOTT: Yes.
(Vâng)
COSTELLO: For my office?
(cho cái văn phòng của tôi hả?)
ABBOTT: Yes.
(vâng)
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
(Được, Ông đề nghị gì cho văn phòng của tôi?)
ABBOTT: Office.
(Văn Phòng.)
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
(Vâng, cho văn phòng của tôi mà!)
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
(Tôi đề nghị văn phòng với cửa xổ đó.)
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal? What do I need?
(Tôi đã có 1 văn phòng với các cửa xổ rồi! Thôi được, Thí dụ mình nói Tôi đang ngồi tại máy VT của tôi và tôi muốn đánh một cái kế hoạch. Tôi cần cái gì?
ABBOTT: Word.
(chữ)
COSTELLO: What word?
(Chữ gì?)
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
(Chữ trong văn phòng)
COSTELLO: The o�nly word in office is office.
(chỉ có một chữ văn phòng là văn phòng.)
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
(Chữ trong văn phong cho cử xổ)

Thôi dài quá ... mà dịch ra không mắc cười bằng đọc nguyên bảng .... ha ha ..sorry..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers? What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: o�ne copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

[unnamed]

Hix !!! sau bài post của bác LtDra mới biết English của mình tồi đến mức nào . Người ta đọc xong cười , mình đọc xong cái mặt còn cứng hơn xịt keo . Chả cười gì cả

To cung vay thoi, nhieu luc to noi chuyen voi bon mat xanh mui lo, tui no ke chuyen cuoi, minh hieu ko kip nen cung dau co cuoi dc (gan nhu 100% luon, luc nao cung chi cuoi "tru" thoi, tru khi minh da doc chuyen no ke roi). Luc ay la luc thay minh kem nhat. Nhung phai noi rang de doc, nghe, hieu duoc chuyen cuoi tieng anh thi cai co ban nhat la can hieu ve van hoa cua tui no (va ve van hoa chung nua).