please everyone checks my essay for me ^o^

[masamy]

híc em mới đi học tiếng anh, đây gần như là bài essay đầu tiên em viết , các bạn các anh các chị kiểm tra dùm em nhé. em xin cảm ơn trước ạ.
Acid rain is the one of the most serious problems in the world because of its dangers. However, the number of acid rains trends to continually increase. This essay will discuss about the causes and effects of the acid rain.
Most of acid rains in the world are caused by the industrial emission. The increase in number of factories in both of developed countries and developing countries has contributed the quick rising of the exhausted smoke to the environment, which contains may polluted chemistry such as sulfur trioxide, dinitro penoxide… relating to acid rain. For example, the more developed industry is, the more number of acid rain china has.
The other reason leading to acid rain is the pollution of transportation. People demand to use car for their job. Thus, the number of car are rise dramatically which lead to the amount of polluted material released to the air. For instance Los Angeles is the city which has highest number of car in America stood for many acid rains per year.
Two main reasons causing acid rain have been discussed; let’s examine the effect of acid rain the effect of acid rain.
Aquatic system is one of the things stood for many terrible effect of acid rain. As can be seen, the acid form rain can come quickly into the water of the rivers or lakes. As a result of high acid level in water, the fish egg cannot hatch and the adult fish can be died, hence many of kinds of fish will be disappear. There are many rivers and lakes in Europe, America, Canada, Taiwan, china… can be the evidence for the damage of acid rain into aquatic system.
Another damage of the acid rains is forest damaged. It is not hard to understand that the acid rain can go to underground water easily which is needed for the living of the plant. First at all, acid can destroy root, then trees cannot support for its life by themselves. Furthermore, acid from rain can react with fertilize that lead to no mineral for the plant. We can see that in most of forest in China, America…
In conclusion, acid rain is the result of rapid development of the industry in both of developed countries and developing countries. However, it can be solved if people use more green energy and reduce the exhausted smoke of the factory.

[Paddy]

Tớ chỉ nói chỗ sai thôi, bác tự sửa tùy ý.

híc em mới đi học tiếng anh, đây gần như là bài essay đầu tiên em viết , các bạn các anh các chị kiểm tra dùm em nhé. em xin cảm ơn trước ạ.
Acid rain is the one of the most serious problems in the world because of its dangers. However, the number of acid rains trends to continually increase. This essay will discuss about the causes and effects of the acid rain.

Không nên dùng chữ however (tuy nhiên, tuy vậy) trong câu này vì nó được dùng để chỉ sự khác biệt so với câu trước. Cả hai đều nói chung một vấn đề cho nên chữ however thành ra vô nghĩa.

Most of acid rains in the world are caused by the industrial emission. The increase in number of factories in both of developed countries and developing countries has contributed to the quick rising of the exhausted smoke to the environment, which contains may pollutants (polluted chemistry) such as sulfur trioxide, dinitro penoxide… relating to acid rain.

For example, the more developed industry is, the more number of acid rain china has.

câu này nghe không hay. Bác đang nói chung về kỹ nghệ nhưng lại đưa ra thí dụ vê mưa acit tại Tầu. Nên đổi lại.

The other reason leading to acid rain is the pollution of transportation. People demand to use car for their job. Thus, the number of cars are risen dramatically which leads to the amount of polluted material released to the air. For instance Los Angeles is the city which has highest number of car in America stood for many acid rains per year.

Bác phải đưa thí dụ về mưa acit tại Los Angelese, chứ nói không như vậy người đọc không thấy rõ được tai hại như thế nào.

Two main reasons causing acid rain have been discussed; let’s examine the effect of acid rain the effect of acid rain.

Nên viết lại.

Aquatic system is one of the things stood for many terrible effect of acid rain. As can be seen, the acid form rain can come quickly into the water of the rivers or lakes.

can be seen from what ? bác phải giải thích cho người đọc rõ ràng hơn. Câu này nên nằm trong phần kết luận, hay sau phần giải thích, thí dụ.

As a result of high acid level in the water, the fish eggs cannot hatch and the adult fish can die (can be died), hence many of kinds of fishes will (be) disappear.

There are many rivers and lakes in Europe, America, Canada, Taiwan, china… can be the evidence for the damage of acid rain into aquatic system.

Thí dụ đâu ???

Another damage of the acid rains is forest damaged. It is not hard to understand that the acid rain can go to underground water easily which is needed for the living of the plant. First at all, acid can destroy root, then trees cannot support for its life by themselves.

Bác đang nói số nhiều lại quẹo qua số ít.

Furthermore, acid from rain can react with fertilize that lead to no mineral for the plant. We can see that in most of forest in China, America…

Thí dụ ????

In conclusion, acid rain is the result of rapid development of the industry in both of developed countries and developing countries. However, it can be solved if people use more green energy and reduce the exhausted smoke of the factory.

Câu này thừa và không ăn nhậu đến bài viết. Bác đang nói về cause and effect của mưa acit mà kết luận thêm một câu là nên dùng năng lượng xanh. Trừ khi nào ngay từ đầu bác nói là sẽ làm cách nào để giảm lượng mưa acit thì được.

Chờ các ACE góp ý thêm nhé.

[masamy]

cảm ơn bác Paddy. Híc em mới học viết sơ sài lắm . ACE nào có suy nghĩ gì thì giúp em với cho em còn tiến bộ nhé ^.^

[camtieu]

Cho tớ đóng góp fần conclusion


In conclusion, acid rain is the result of rapid development of the industry in both of developed countries and third world countries. However, it can be solved if people are more aware of green and renewable energy.To reduce green house gas and carbon footprint governments should introduce policies in using clean energy and start engaging carbon trading scheme.

[fija]

la^.p ca^u sai tho*`i kh'a nhie^`u, nhu*ng xem ra cu~ng gio?i a.